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About A Boy (***1/2) starring Hugh Grant and some
kid WALDO: The amazing thing was that wasn’t what this movie was about at all. WALLY: It wasn’t? WALDO: No dipweed. It was about self-discovery. WALLY: Ok, you lost me at that whole this movie has meaning thing. WALDO: It starts out with the premise that Hugh’s character, Will, a single, wealthy shallow playboy, pretends he has a kid in order to go to single parent meetings and hook up with single mother. WALLY: Hmph. What a mutherfucker….get it? Mutherfucker? WALDO: I get it. WALLY: Damns. I’s fuckin’ brilliant. WALDO: But a string of circumstances leads to him reluctantly hanging out with a boy who’s single mother is kind of screwed up in the head. He hangs out with Will because he doesn’t like going home and he gets picked on at school. WALLY: Probably cuz he’s a fuckin’ dork. WALDO: You were probably the school bully type, eh? WALLY: No, I was a benevolent asshole. Unless dungeons and dorks masturbation machines like you were just asking to get flushed between classes. WALDO: It’s dorks like us that keep that pent up rage inside because society says that strong, A-type aggressive dicks like you are what we should be who get all the attention and jobs and money and power and girls and we’re supposed to be like you but we’re not and it just eats away at us day after day after agonizing fucking day until we can’t take it anymore and we take a shotgun and blow your conceited fucking heads off to show you that we deserve respect too and if you won’t give it to us then we’ll take it! That’s right! We’ll fucking take it! WALLY: (long pause) I never said masturbation was a bad thing. WALDO: (mean face) WALLY: Right. Anyway, this kid gets picked on, his mom’s a suicidal psycho and Will’s a self-centered lying asshole. He realizes that only when he’s fallen for a girl, Rachel of The Mummy fame, and he sees he has to tell her the truth at some point about who he is and what he’s like. Yo Wally? You calm now? Put down the gun. WALDO: You’re lucky today, punk. Lucky. So anyway, there’s actually a good deal of humor derived from seeing Hugh being someone we’re not used to seeing him be, a Wally. WALLY: A what? WALDO: An insensitive dick. WALLY: You can get a cream for that. WALDO: I rest my case. Hugh had some good one liners where he’d be a prick instead of the stuttering, self-deprecating English tod. WALLY: This is one of those quote unquote ‘small movies’ where you go to see people go through things we do. WALDO: I’m sure you make up children so you can pick up single mothers. WALLY: All the time. They’re the horniest. The key to having sex with women is finding the right ones. You have to find them when they’re insecure so that every compliment you have sounds like poetry. Hence, the dumped single mother. Even if she’s not dumped if the marriage/relationship didn’t work out women still tend to blame themselves to some point. WALDO: You’d be great on “The View.” You’d be such a good representative of the male race. WALLY: Me and my twelve-inch ‘cock!’ WALDO: So you’d like this movie if you can identify with just going through life doing time, living a shallow meaningless existence and then you run into people, things happen and you learn some great lesson about why you are the way you are that you’re not as happy as you could be. You see the light. WALLY: Or you could be like me and slip out early to watch the last 45 minutes of Star Wars 2. Padmeeee. Padmeeeee. WALDO: That’s a shame. Since this movie was released with Star Wars 2 it will probably get overlooked between Spider-man, Star Wars and all the other blockbusters. This is a nice little movie. An impressive departure for the makers of American Pie. WALLY: I was surprised to see that the brilliance that brought us Shannon Elizabeth’s Nadia(‘how do you say…shaved?) and brought back the ol’ reliable drinking semen gag could make such a warm, heartfelt touching movie about a man discovering himself through a little boy. WALDO: Ok, now you’re getting me sick. WALLY: Huh? Ohhh. I get it. Hey, I made a homosexual pedophile joke and didn’t even know it. And I wasn’t even talking about the Catholic Church. Good eye Waldo. WALDO: Uh, happy I could help. WALLY: That’s all for now. Here’s some movies we want to see. All have gotten good reviews. If you’ve seen these let us know!: Dogtown and Z-Boys WALDO: Until next time, Adios amoebas!
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