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Waldo: First of all, I don’t remember a year in recent memory that went this deep as far as movies I really liked. Wally: What’s your Top
10 peeps? If you send us your comments or Top 10 there’s
a good chance We’ll send you copies of THRUST import car
scene DVD and Def Ok, this year we each did a Top 5 instead of a Top 10 for both. Actually I did a Top 6 so it adds up to 10 Total movies but you’ll see what we mean in a minute. Here we go… WALLY’s #6 WALDO’S #5 WALLY’s. #5 WALDO’S #4 WALLY’s #4 WALLY’s #3 WALDO’s #3 WALLY: And Keira Knightly makes my Orlando wanna Bloom. WALLY’s #2 I’d love to get with that shape shifter villain, Mystique, played by Rebecca Romaine, Rojimn, Romijn or however the fuck you spell it, that loser collect calling commercial making John Stamos’s wife. I’d make her shape shift into Jessica Simpson and then I’d do her and when we’re going hot and heavy I’d slap her and yell "how can you be so stupid you dumb ass bitch?" WALDO’s #2
You’re probably one of those people who saw Freddy v. Jason cuz it’s historic. You suck. You are why Gigli was made. Because you’re easily pandered to with formula and star power. This movie has none of that
and blows everything out of the water. It’s part narrative,
part animation, part documentary and has the most peculiar character
of the year. It’s about grumpy Harvey Pekar who created
the American Splendor comic with R. Crumb. He later gained fame
on Letterman. But he’s a fascinating figure who’s
intrigue comes from his incredibly pessimistic and dour point
of view. It also provides a lot of the biting humor and satire
that makes this movie fun to watch. Ofcourse you’ll never
see it cuz WALLY: Ooooohhhkay? WALDO AND WALLY’S
#1 MOVIE OF 2003… WALLY: Yeaaahhhh! I feel like a part of me has been waiting for this mutherfucker all my life. Big and badass. Probably the greatest battle action sequence ever along with the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan and the original Death Star run. WALDO: I think this series of movies worked in part for one reason. It’s simple. Really good guys vs. a really really bad guy. George Lucas take note. Trade Federation what? WALLY: Yeah, and Sauron was great as the ultimate evil bad guy. He’s so bad he’s just an eye that looks like a flaming vagina. He’s so bad his soldiers have to look like a monster Halloween costume. Lord of the Rings would be so incredibly campy if it didn’t turn out so incredibly fucking cool. But we were all pulling for the underdog while cool looking creatures had battles with humans in cool looking fantasy worlds…like New Zealand. That was basically it. We bought into the underdog story and as long as it looked cool we’d go along with it. WALDO: And it did look really
cool. I was hooked on the first movie when that opening battle
scene had that swooping shot over the thousands of warriors running
at each other. No one had ever seen that. THAT was what an epic
battle is supposed to look like. And When two big armies fight each other we usually only see a thousand extras and then have close ups of people fighting. But in this movie we actually saw thousands of soldiers running at each other with big trolls and monsters and cool stuff to look at. The underdog story with the grand spectacle is a hard combo to beat and that’s why this series of movies will be mentioned with Casablanca, Godfather and Citizen Kane as a milestone of cinema. Other movies may have cooler effects and bigger battles someday but not a lot of them are based on 50 million sold books that own the entire fantasy, wizard, dragon, swords and castles genre. What Star Wars was to sci-fi, Lord of the Rings is to fantasy: the benchmark by which all quality is measured. It is the best movie of 2003. Honorable Mentions: MYSTIC RIVER- Well acted and directed. Tense but dragged a wee bit in the middle. The whole lynch pin of the movie on which a lot of the tension is based is kind of contrived though. BETTER LUCK TOMORROW-
Even though I saw this in 2002 I liked it because it features
Asians, 2 of the stars are in the THRUST DVD and we met the director
who’s a WHAT WAS THAT AWARD- The Hulk. Just smash shit, man. This just got weird. BIGGEST LETDOWN- Matrix
3. Although it had one of the coolest battle scenes in recent
memory the story was equally as stupid. As complex as Reloaded
as, this one BEST TITLE FOR A PORN- Holes, 2nd place- Bend it Like Beckham, 3rd- Whale Rider, 4th- The Italian Job 5th- Legally Blonde BEST ADAPTED TITLE FOR A PORN- Lord of the Cock Rings BEST TITLE FOR A GERMAN SHIETZA FILM (that’s human shit porn, I mean real human shit)- It Runs In The Family BEST IMPRESSION- Paris Hilton doing simultaneous impressions of both the green Hulk and her own version of the Sauron evil eye. I guess you could say she also impersonated all those guys in Kill Bill and Last Samuri who got stabbed repeatedly. MOVIE I HAVEN’T SEEN
CUZ I KNEW IT WOULD SUCK- MOST OVERRATED- Cold Mountain. Yeah, production value was incredible. But the story’s about a chic waiting for a guy to come back to her from war while the guy deserts his army and tries to get back to her. C’mon. Half the movie is about waiting. The other half the guy gets into shit that has no bearing on him getting back or his emotional growth. Can you say nose up Oscar winning director’s ass? Boooorrring. YOUNG ADULTS ARE MINDLESS
AND STUPID AWARD- 2 Fast 2 SAME AS CAMERON’S VERSION ONLY NOT AS GOOD AWARD- T3 WHAT A WASTE OF GOOD SNATCH AWARD- Honey. I love Jessica Alba. I hate her taste in projects. BEST MOVIE MY COUSIN FRITZ WAS IN AND GOT PAID $250 A DAY- The Rundown, he’s a brown extra in the back with his shirt off BAD REMAKE TO A GOOD ORIGINAL- Love Don’t Cost A Thing was a remake of the cult classic Can’t Buy Me Love. Cheesecake? BEST MOVIE MORE PEOPLE I KNOW WERE IN- 2 Fast and 2 Furious, all my FL car friends were in this BEST TITLE- Bubba Ho-Tep WHY DOES THIS GUY HAVE A CAREER AWARD: Ashton Kutcher If we did put them 1-10 they would have been: 10. OLD SCHOOL (***1/2)
That’s it folks. We
hope 2004 is as good as 2003 cuz
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